


My Body is a One Person Cemetery

by Deceitfullyanxioussss



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Break Up, M/M, NO LIKE REALLY, One Shot, Post-Break Up, Secret Relationship, Short One Shot, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, This is rlly venty, Virgil Centric, don't worry this isn't a toxic relationship, just a regular ol break up, no editing or proofreading, vent fic, we all good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25105288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deceitfullyanxioussss/pseuds/Deceitfullyanxioussss
Summary: Virgil and Janus started dating secretly because of Virgil's strict dad.A year and two months later, they break up. Virgil cries.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	My Body is a One Person Cemetery

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely vent. No editing. No proofreading. Straight up vent. I cried a lot writing this. I'm lonely as shit. Help.
> 
> I will probably add better tags to this when I have the energy. I just can't rn. See ya 👌👌

Virgil sat on his bed, eyes heavy and swollen, staring blankly at the screen in front of him. His back was pressed firm against the bedrest, eight pillows (two of which large body pillows) surrounded his every direction, his comforter tucked very securely around his form, and his knees were tucked up tight to his chest.

He had been in this exact position for about an hour now, his phone held in his free hand, while the other remained trapped in the mess of pillows and blankets.

The dull light of his phone bore into his soul, glaring at him with disdain. His eyes couldn't pry themselves away from the text messages displayed in their cheery yellow boxes.

This wasn't real, right? Of course it was, why wouldn't it be? He deserved this. There was absolutely no reason for him to want to stay with Virgil. Virgil was a horrible option from the very beginning.

He let out another sob as his eyes grazed over the conversation again.

  
_Hey Vee_

_heya_

_So I kinda need to talk to you about something_

_yeah??? u good???_

_Yeah, I'm fine. It's about us, Virgil. I'm not sure if this is working out for me anymore._

_oh._

_I'm sorry about this, but… I'm not really happy in this relationship anymore. I think we need to move on._

_oh. alright. that's ok. i get it, really. i won't try and make you stay. you're unhappy. i can understand that._

_Thank you, Virgil. It means a lot to have you understand. I must thank you for this, as well. We had a good run and I enjoyed my time with you. Thank you for that._

_yea of course. i should thank you too for that._

_Well, I wish you the best of luck moving forward, Virgil._

_of course. to you as well. good luck, Janus._

  
That was it. It was over. They were never gonna talk again.

Damn-it! He didn't even have to option to remain friends?

Just like that, gone? Ripped from his life? Never to talk again? Never to see each other again? What kind of bullshit was that?

  
He supposed it made sense.

Virgil's Dad loved him, but he did tend to be quite strict. He had told him that he wasn't allowed to date until he was done college or university, and further after that, until he had a good financial situation. Of course, Virgil can completely understand the reasoning behind that, but just imagine being in your mid of late twenties dating for the first time. To be awkward and have no experience what-so-ever.

No way in hell, Dad.

Naturally, when he had first developed a crush on Janus, he wanted to be bold for once and try and catch a date.

And for whatever reason beyond his understanding, he caught it. He caught a date. With Janus.

He still remembers the feelings he felt that day. An exciting, over-joyous disbelief. It felt so unreal but it had happened.

He smiled to himself at the memory as his heart feebly tried to mimic that exact feeling from a whole year and two months ago.

The smile barely lasted a second before reality crashed into him like a brick wall, and his heart clenched and throbbed in pain and agony.

  
Of course it all had to go to shit. It was all for nothing, wasn't it? All that time he spent trying to woo him, going on dates with him, texting him til 3 in the morning, all the time he spent thinking about him. All for nothing. All wasted time he was never getting back. All that love and effort for nothing.

And he had himself to blame for it. What honestly made him think he could get away with this?

Due to his strict-dad situation, he had to keep his dating life a secret. He managed to convince his dad that Janus was just a friend, but even then, the time they could visit were limited, and the time they could spend alone was even more limited than that. No wonder Janus was unhappy with him. What could he have to offer Janus? Anxiety and stress? Months at a time without a visit?

What was he doing, huh? Being mad at Janus? Janus wasn't wrong for feeling unfulfilled. A part of Virgil knew this was coming for a long time. So why did it hurt so much? So why did he genuinely believe they could make it?

  
Virgil sighed and finally, finally, turned his phone off and let it plop onto his mattress. His heart felt like a gravestone. His body felt like heavy, damp, clumpy dirt. He was a cemetery of one person. Even in death, he was sure to be alone. No-one could ever love him, could they? Who wants to be close with someone who always goes away? Who wants to be close with someone that can't give their full time into their relationship?

Virgil had started crying again, he realised. He didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.

Slowly, he began to move his heavy body, his joints felt like clay and his muscles felt like rocks. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do anything.

He made himself do it. Eventually he was reaching over to his bed stand, grabbing his charger, and plugging his phone in.

He laid down on his mattress that like a blackberry Bush as the silence washed over him.

Silence. Silence, of course, silence. It was always silence. The buzzing silence that taunted you. The kind of silence that made it not silent.

It only existed to remind him of how alone he was.

Alone. Alone, of course, alone. It always came back to him being alone.

He couldn't take it. He hated it. He hated it so much, he wished and wished and wished for the silence to go away but it only got louder and louder and louder until it was screeching and making him deaf.

Out of desperation, he lounged for his phone, ignoring the protests of his body, and scrambled to put some music, any music, just please.

At long last, the sounds of MCR was emitting from his phone and the silence eased up an incredible amount. Letting our a relieved sigh he sank back on his bed of thorns. 

He would go to sleep, wake up in the morning and go about his day. Everything would be fine. Life would go exactly the as it was before, only with the knowledge he could never talk to Janus again. It would be fine.

And so, he went to sleep.

Certainly not without crying for another hour though.


End file.
